Not All Burnout Looks the Same
The two types I see most in my practice
There's a lot written about burnout — what it is, how to recognize it, how to avoid it. In the last couple of years, I've been noticing a trend in my practice, particularly with clients from the Bay Area. Some of them are showing up in patterns that map closely onto two subtypes — the frenetic and the misaligned — often at the same time.
The Frenetic Type
The frenetic burnout type is typically described as someone who works obsessively and sacrifices everything else as a result — overachieving at work, underachieving everywhere else. By the time most of my clients get to me, that description isn't wrong. But it's important to understand how they got there.
For most of them, underachieving outside of work is not their baseline. These are people who have historically been high achievers and perfectionists across the board. The same drive that pushes them to produce professionally also shows up at home, in their relationships, in how they parent.
What happens is this: as capacity decreases, they start rationing. Work tends to get priority — not because the other parts of life don't matter, but because those parts feel more forgiving. A missed workout, a skipped dinner with friends — those feel like things that can be made up. A poor performance review, a round of layoffs — those feel like things that can't.
As the tank gets emptier, they start rationing. Work gets priority — not because the other parts don't matter, but because they feel more forgiving.
The Misalignment Type
Misalignment burnout is usually described as a mismatch between your values and your company's values. But what I hear more often is something subtler.
The companies these clients work for often have genuinely good-sounding policies. Work from anywhere for a month. Unlimited PTO. Flex Fridays. On paper, these are real investments in employee wellbeing.
But the culture tells a different story. The system is so intense, so competitive, so saturated with fear of the next round of layoffs, that no one actually uses them. My clients know the benefits exist. They just also know — or believe — that using them would make them visible in the wrong way.
So the misalignment isn't between stated values and personal values. It's between stated values and lived reality. The company says one thing and does another — and the gap between those two things is where people burn out.
What the Work Actually Involves
I like to start by working backwards from the dream. What does a life you actually enjoy look like? For people who have been in high-achievement mode since childhood, this can be a surprisingly hard question to answer. But it's the right place to begin.
From there, we look at what's getting in the way. Almost always, some version of the same thing comes up: a deep attachment to being seen as competent, capable, and always performing. The identity of the high achiever is not just a role they play at work — it's how they understand themselves. Letting go of it, even partially, feels like a loss of self.
The identity of the high achiever isn't just a role they play at work — it's how they understand themselves. Letting go, even partially, can feel like a loss of self.
This is slow, careful work. It doesn't happen in a session or two. But for people who are willing to do it, something real does change — not just in how they work, but in how they understand themselves and what they need to feel okay in the world.
If you're recognizing yourself in any of this, you don't have to wait until things completely fall apart to get support.
I also work with burnout in a small group setting. Running on Empty is a virtual group for high-achievers who are done surviving and ready to actually recover. It's a space to do the work alongside others who get it.